It started with paperwork
by JeanGirlMY
Summary: In which Kira gets some firsthand experience of the phrase 'famous last words'.


Author's Notes: Happy New Year everybody! :) Thanks to YenGirl for helping to beta this story.

Takes place after Thousand-Year Blood War Arc.

 **Soul Society, Sereitei.**

Kira Izuru was enjoying his day. The air was crisp and refreshing, he was ahead of his paperwork, and there was not a single invading Quincy psycopath around to blow holes in unsuspecting and innocent vice-captains.

Yes, he was definitely enjoying the peace and quiet, and wished that Soul Society would see more days like today.

It was with this serene and positive attitude that Kira met his good friend Hinamori Momo while on his way to deliver the aformentioned papaerwork to his captain. They engaged in pleasant conversation before she innocently asked the question that started the metaphorical boulder rolling.

"Umm... Kira-kun, I heard from one of my fellow officers about a rumour..." She began, sounding uncertain as if she was not quite sure how to broach the topic.

Kira sighed, he already knew where this was going.

"I assure you, Hinamori-kun, that rumour has been greatly exaggerated."

Unfortunately, when it came to the wellbeing of her friends, Hinamori was not easily deterred.

"But they said you were so heavily injured that no one was sure you would survive! And Kurotsuchi-Taicho had to perform surgery and add... something...?"

Kira's right eye twitchd.

"As I said, those rumours were very much exaggerated. It wasn't that bad," he lied through his teeth.

"So you _were_ injured?"

"Hinamori-kun, I do appreciate your concern but it really wasn't that serious."

Before she could press any further, he quickly changed the subject.

"Uh, I'm surprised to see you by yourself for a change," he began with what had to be one of the worst subject changes in all of Sereitei's history.

Fortunately, Hinamori, while determined, was also easily distracted.

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"Ever since Aizen," that lying, manipulative bastard, "tricked Hitsugaya-Taicho," into stabbing you from behind, "it's been rare seeing you by yourself."

Hinamori blushed.  
"Oh, Hitsugaya-kun's just being a little overprotective," she said. Her voice softened and she gave a fond smile.

"Overprotective enough that if you were to go any further than the Fifth Division barracks, he would either order Vice-Captain Matsumoto to accompany you or just mysteriously happen to be going in the same direction?" Kira responded in a dry tone.

Hinamori's blush deepened as she held up her hands in protest, but before Kira could add anything more about how overprotective Hitsugaya-Taicho could be (and he was. Very protective), they were interrupted by a loud call.  
"Hina-chan! Droopy hair!

A pink blur dashed into the hallway and latched onto Hinamori's shoulder, causing her to stumble a few steps forward.

The now identifiable Kusajishi Yachiru giggled happily and peered up at Hinamori.

"Hey Hina-chan, do you got any sweets for me?"

"'Have', Yachiru-chan. It's 'have'," Hinamori chided her gently.

Yachiru wrinkled her nose but dutifully repeated her request. Her expression morphed into a grin when her efforts were rewarded with a few sweets.

"Thank you! Ooh! I sense Ken-chan is nearby! BYE!" Using Hinamori as a springboard, she leapt off, presumably to search for Zaraki-Taicho.

This however, had the unfortunate side effect of sending Hinamori careening forward.

Kira reached out to steady her with both hands on her shoulders.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah! Thanks, I..." Hinamori trailed off.

He frowned.

"What's wrong?"

She responded with a whimper.

Looking down at her, Kira tried to figure out what was wrong.

Hinamori's face was frozen in an expression of horror. Her right arm was slowly reaching up while her left arm appeared to have gone straight through him.

"Oh. Sh-"

Hinamori's right hand grabbed his Shikahsho and, with a swift movement that would have been hugely inapropriate in any other situation, ripped it right open.

Kira winced; he didn't know her face could turn that white. Damnit! He had been hoping to keep that a secret...

"Hinamori-kun," he quickly said. "I know this looks bad but pil-"

"AAAAEEEEIIII!"

Too late. It would be nothing short of a miracle if anybody in a ten kilometer radius didn't hear that banshee-like shriek.

Not half a second later, a loud resounding BOOM could be heard and Hitsugaya Toshiro burst right through the nearest wall (completely ignoring the door just three feet away), Hyouinmaru drawn and a wild look in his turquoise eyes.

"Hinamori! Are you alright?! Where's the threat?! It's Aizen again, isn't it? Where is he? AIZEN!"

Kira sweatdropped. Oh no, this wasn't in the least bit good. Before he could say anything, another resounding BOOM echoed along the hallway. A distinctly Komamura-shaped hole was left in the other wall courtesy of the distinctly Komamura shaped figure towering over them now.

"AIZEN! Come out, you coward! I'll kill you for you for what you did to Tousen!"

A second sweatdrop appeared on Kira's head as he wondered how many of the Gotei 13 officers had Aizen managed to psychologically damage to the point where they would become so... trigger happpy?

Ask and ye shall receive.

There was a third BOOM and a few feet away from the Komamura shaped hole, Hisagi Shuuhei appeared, having created another hole. Kazeshini was already in shikai and spinning dangerously.

"AIZEN!" he yelled. "Tousen-Taicho shall be avenged!

Kira slowly put up both hands in a show of surrender. This was it, he thought to himself. He was going to die a very painful death via the Bankai and Shikai of two crazed captains and one crazed fellow lieutenant. Ah well, it couldn't be as bad as having his right arm and a hole blown in his side by invading Quincy psycopaths, could it?

They all stood like that for several moments - Hitsugaya-Taichou leaking reiatsu that created ice all over the hallway, his crazed eyes looking round wildly as if he expected Aizen to pop out between the floorboards; Komamura-Taichou, fur bristling and looking like he was about two seconds away from unleashing his Bankai; and Hisagi breathing harshly with Kazeshini whistling through the air dangerously high speeds.

Then there was Hinamori with her face tilted down, preventing him from reading her expression, but the occasional whimpers and tremblings were pretty telling.

A few more seconds passed, and when it became apparent that Aizen had *not* in fact escaped, Hitsugaya-Taichou snapped out of his homicidal rage.

"Hinamori! What's wrong?"

When he received no reply, he sheathed his sword and came forward to investigate. To his credit, he only paled slightly and shot Kira a raised eyebrow before placing his hands on Hinamori's shoulders and pulling her backward, allowing her right hand to emerge from the hole in Kira's chest.

"Sorry, Hitsugaya-Taichou," Kira apologised. "It was an accident, Kusaji-"

"It's fine, Kira," Hitsugaya replied. "I'm sure it wasn't your fault."

"What? No Aizen?" Komamura growled, sheathing his sword. "Oh, was that your injury, Kira?"

Kira flushed and quickly pulled his Shihaksho closed.

"Man, couldn't Kurotsuchi-Taichou do something better than just sticking three metal rods there?" Hisagi scratched his head.

Kira mumbled something about paperwork and quickly knelt down to gather all the scattered papers he had dropped earlier. He dipped a oquick bow to the two captains before making his escape.

He took it back. He would happily thank the Soul King for Soul Society to never see anymore days like this one.

 **END**


End file.
